From the desk of: Giles Fuquard, Language Usuage Investigator

I have noticed as of late a disturbing trend: the use of the phrase, “Quick Question for you.”

At the office, when a person approaches another person with a query, this oft-heard phrase seems likely to preface it:

“Quick question for you.” [Pause for a response, hopefully.] “Do you know where last week’s data accounting system merger backup files are located?”

First, I take issue with anyone who not only wants information from me, but attempts to limit my answer before I have even assessed the nature of their question. If you indeed wish to consult me for my expertise, you will have the courtesy to listen to my full reply. Otherwise, you must seek elsewhere for your “quick answer”.

Second: By using “Quick Question,” are you hereby implying that you are such a rush that you must abbreviate your question, or is it that you really just do not want to spend much time talking to me? And you are kindly informing me of this aversion to my presence with the polite “fuck you” synonym known as “Quick Question”?

This is a disturbing trend. The linguistic meme that spreads like a plague— until it inundates every corner of the culture, uses up our valuable intellectual resources and then disappears into the netherworld prefabricated nostalgia. It goes back to viral phrases such as “no doubt” … or the dreaded, “not for nothing” (a phrase that is truly “for nothing”.)

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I hereby, formally request that upon hearing the phrase “quick question” uttered, all parties should respond appropriately with e.g., “long answer”, “too late, not quick enough!”, or “dumb person” or, simply with a swift but firm smack to the side of the mouth of said inquisitor with a standard office stapler or similar implement.